The Undying Monster 1942 Twentieth Century Fox
Director: John Brahm
Rich people and their curses... A brother and sister who live in a secluded castle in blighty, are plagued by the tales of the horrible monster that tore their grandfather to shreds and threw him off the cliffs into the raging sea. The sister won't have it. She's a tough Barbara Stanwick type who just doesn't take any nonsense (and is just as shitty an actress).
On his way home, the brother is attacked and is similarly found on the rocky shores, but alive. A fellow traveler was not so fortunate, her body found just a few yards away. Scotland yard is called in. By who, we do not know... No one wants them there and everyone is trying to hide something from the stiff inspector, especially that old butler. Always burning evidence in the fireplace.
Just as he is making some headway on the case, the werewolf turns up and snatches up the girl. Loose the hounds! The search is on. But by now who the hell cares... I was nearly asleep from the stuffy brittish melodrama.
This is just a bad brit detective drama with a werewolf thrown in, presumably to cash in on the popularity of The Wolf Man, which was a much better picture. Watch that instead. ~
Unknown Island 1948 Albert Jay Cohen Productions
Director: Jack Bernhard
Oh my god! This is worse than an Ed Wood movie! It all starts with a photographer (who looks a little like Ed Wood) and his rich fiancée. They hire a loud-mouth pig of a sea captain to take them to an island, where prehistoric beasts still roam. The captain know another fellow with a similar story, Fairbanks is his name and he's trying to drink away his memories of the isle.
They set sail, er motor, but the superstitious ship's crew are none too happy to be going to the "evil island", they have only heard in legend. There's a brief mutiny but they carry on. Once there, they weigh anchor and row in to shore- which amounts to a swimming pool surrounded by some of the most plastic looking plants I've seen. Gilligan's Island was more realistic! They set up camp and prepare for the big adventure before them.
Come daylight, they set out through the plastic jungle and encounter a myriad of the shittiest looking dinosaurs ever put to film! Toy brontosaurs in a diorama, a rubber ?-osaur that is dragged through the dirt to give the "illusion" of crawling and worse yet, the precursor to Godzilla- guys in rubber t-rex suits!! The latter of which teeter precariously in their restrictive costumes, lucky not to fall over outright! The crew has seen enough of this horror and steals the boat, only to be smashed to bits in the undertow.
Back at camp, the worst gorilla suit ever scares the girl and everyone but the captain wants to go back to the ship. Captain hard-ass though is determined to take one of the t-rexes home... Alive! That is until he gets "jungle fever" and accidentally burns down the camp. He then kidnaps the girl and hides in the jungle, waiting to whisk her away on a boat he found on the beach. The now sober, and dashing, Fairbanks sets out to rescue her, which he does. Just before the gorilla shows up again. It's the prequel to King Kong vs. Godzilla, as the ape takes on a rubber t-rex!
Fairbanks and the girl join the only two men left, her fiancée and the 2nd mate. They finish their crappy-ass raft and somehow make it back to the ship. The girl dumps photographer boy for Johnny Fairbanks and they stare off to sea together. Awww, ain't it romantical?
Terrible... In every way! Bad story, bad acting, bad sets and the hokiest effects ever! Yet somehow, you don't want it to end, as you know the next scene will be even funnier than the last! XXX
Unspeakable 1999 Crappy World Films
Director: Chad Ferrin
This could've been a great movie. It had creepy characters, a good sick story and moody cinematography. Unfortunately, it also had mediocre effects (fake-looking blood mostly), loads of overacting and a real let-down of an ending. It all starts with Jim and his bitchy, drunk wife heading home from a party. Their daughter, Heather (who oddly looks the same age the parents), sleeps in the back seat as the couple fight. I swear they were in a tunnel, yet it was pouring rain(?). Anyways... BANG, they crash and there is Jim holding his dead daughter in his arms. How tragic...
Mrs. Bitch is horribly disfigured, paralyzed and thankfully muted(!) in the accident and soon Jim is hallucinating Heather's face and voice in her. One day, at the park while feeding the pigeons, Jim is approached by a young co-ed. She takes him back to her place where she tries to seal the deal, rubbing his pecker through his pants and asking him to pay her tuition! In Jim's head, the co-ed turns to his nagging wife and he repeatedly slams her head into the coffee table, which somehow brings back his beloved Heather- but only briefly.
Naturally, he must keep killing hookers to bring back glimpses of his sweet daughter, so he immerses himself into the seedy underbelly of the city. Hunting prostitutes amongst the violent drug dealers and crazy bums, he spirals downward into insanity. Along the way, he finds and murders a perverted gay priest, reveals his sick lust for his dearly departed daughter and catches the even sicker, scat-fetish male nurse molesting his feces-leaking wife. (We've already witnessed him reveling in her shit earlier!)
Two or three more butchered hookers, including a not-very-passable transsexual, and their pimp is getting really angry at the loss of business. So angry, he does a bunch of coke and makes one of the bitches give him a blowjob in front of her kid. The final bloodbath occurs as the aforementioned bitch pleads for her daughter's safety as the pimp threatens to trick her out. Jim slits his throat and slashes his goon. The little girl runs to her mother, Jim falls to the ground gut-shot it seems... then the weak ending.
XX, I guess. Like I said... it could've been great. It just wasn't.