Red Planet Mars 1952 United Artists Pictures
Director: Harry Horner
Starring: Peter Graves
A researcher and his wife take a german scientist's plans for a "hydrogen valve" and develop it into a workable transmitting device. From their hilltop observatory in San Diego, they transmit signals to Mars, hoping for an answer. See, they know there is life up there because the latest photos prove it. The martians have used "cosmic energy" to melt their polar ice caps and irrigate their planet!
Meanwhile, the german scientist has been busted out of prison by the russians and is holed up in the Andes, trying to contact the martians himself. When the russian g-men show up looking to see how their money is being spent, the scientist comes up with a plan. He begins transmitting messages into the atmosphere, which the researchers in california think are from Mars. News of "cosmic energy" and the end of hunger, throw the world markets into pandemonium! (Although I'm not sure how...)
The russians also pick up the signals and when the messages turn religious in nature, they face social upheaval as the masses again embrace the great opiate! But then, the messages stop. We of course know that an avalanche has wiped out the german's Andean hide-out. Not to worry, he shows up in San Diego, eager to destroy the "good" that has come from his messages, by telling the world his story. Can they stop him?!
Of course they can and with a little self-sacrifice, everything turns out beautifully. Communism fails and and Jesus prevails! The Russian Orthodox church takes over mother Russia and in the fifties I guess this would be seen as an improvement! Nowadays, it rings as sickening christian-american propaganda, mixed with some of the worst pseudo-science of the whole of '50s sci-fi. Bad, but not void of entertainment value. X
Return of the Living Dead 1984 Cinema '84, a Greenberg Brothers Partnership
Director: Dan O'Bannon
Punk-rocker Freddy takes a job at a macabre medical supply company, where his co-worker Frank is training him on how to pack skeletons. In an attempt to rattle the macho teen, Frank decides to show him a secret... One hidden in the basement for decades. See, there was this experiment, back when he was in the army, and it brought dead bodies back to life.
There, in the basement, lie several drums with bulbous lids. Just lift one and egad! A hideous mummified corpse. Science help us if these critters escape, but ol' Frank is so confident of the army corps of engineers, that he whacks the side of the barrel with his fist and sure as shinola, the barrel springs a leak!
The escaping gas resurrects a corpse upstairs and after a brief fight with it, Frank calls his boss (and apparent old army buddy) Burt, to help deal with it. They enlist the help of the embalmer across the street to cremate the now dismembered, but still moving, body. The smoke pours out the chimney and the rain pours from the sky, soaking the nearby graveyard and Freddy's friends who are partying there, waiting for him to get off work.
You know what's going to happen next, right? Yep, corpses rise from the grave, hungry for brains and really hard to kill. Some are eaten, some hole up in the medical supply store and the rest barricade themselves in the funeral home. By now Frank and Freddy aren't looking so good and every paramedic or cop that shows up is eaten by the throngs of zombies outside! Finally Burt decides to call the number on the barrel and help is on the way... But what kind of help is it?
Just as Romero's series was about to whither away, Dan O'Bannon breathed life once again into the brain eating zombies and gave them more spunk than their predecessors. Throwing in a little punk-rock edge didn't hurt either (like Penelope Spheris' Suburbia meets Night of the Living Dead) and the Enigma Records soundtrack- featuring 45 Grave, The Cramps, TSOL, The Damned and my fav, The Jet Black Berries- is right up there with the soundtrack to Repo Man! This is THE sequel. XXXXX
Return of the Vampire 1943 Columbia Pictures
Director: Lew Landers
Starring : Bela Lugosi
Bela is back in blood-sucking form, as a a vampire who travels to England and enslaves some poor chap, to do his evil bidding. This he does by turning the slave into a werewolf! It's the height of the Blitzkrieg and Scotland yard doesn't need people turning up dead, with little marks on their necks!
As the dick and his cronies start delving into the dark side, Bela parades about high society, posing as a doctor. He soon fixates on the object of his desire and has his faithful companion, Wolfie, go "fetch" her, promising him everlasting life in return! The task done, Bela casts Wolfie aside like a used kleenex. Wolfie, heartbroken and betrayed, picks up the cross and fights back!
It's really not as bad as it might sound. In fact, it's every bit as good as the Universal fare of the era! XXX
Revenge of the Creature 1955 Universal Pictures
Director: Jack Arnold
Starring: John Agar and featuring Clint Eastwood's first screen appearance!
Another expedition deep into the Amazon rain forests, to the Black Lagoon. This time, our explorers aren't content with trying to survive the creature's wrath. They want to take him home- for scientific research of course. So, they plant explosives laced with the mysterious "fish paralyzing" powder and they blast the lagoon! Up floats the gill-man and they reel him in.
Back at Florida's lovely Marineland (note: product endorsement), the scientists put the creature in a holding tank and begin their research. This research consists mainly of chaining the creature to the pool floor and teasing him with an electric prod, then much like Foghorn Leghorn they retreat and stand nearby as the creature reaches the end of his chain.
I imagine y'all can guess what happens next... Smitten with the blonde scientist, Helen, the creature breaks free and escapes the sea zoo. Thinking it likely headed back to the Amazon, everyone settles back into their lives. That is until the creature shows up at Helen's motel room and whisks her away for some slimy romance! Call out the cops and the Coast Guard too!!
It's not as good as the original by any means but I suppose it's as good as a lot of the era's monster movies, and representative of Universal's superior output. Agar (who starred in other Universal pics Tarantula and The Mole People) is a suitable leading man and the blonde is fairly easy on the eyes. You can see why the poor creature falls for her and breaks his rusty chains and runs... XXX
Revolt of the Zombies 1936 Edward Halperin Productions
Director: Victor Halperin
Blah. Blonde girl is engaged to one archeologist, dumps him for another. The former seems to take it well and then makes the discovery of a life time... The secret recipe for zombie making! Then his boss fires him, sending him over the edge. He soon has half the nation (Cambodia) under his control, including his former fiancée's father and the old boss.
The new guy isn't about to let his "friend" get away with this, but is powerless to stop him. He hypnotizes him AND his former fiancée and then marries the girl. But old MacDonald (a sort of a pre-cursor to Dr- Scott, with his plaid blankets and wheelchair!) foils his plot by giving him the gift of guilt. He sets the girl free and in the process sets forth his undoing.
All the typical REALLY bad effects and even worse Barbara Stanwyck style acting made this a chore to watch and I didn't care a lick about anyone in it. Halperin, apparently out of ideas, falls back on the menacing eyes bit from White Zombie and fails miserably with this effort! ~
The Rites of Frankenstein 1972 C. Fénix Films Italy/CFFP France
Director: Jess Franco
Here we have a new twist on an old tale, courtesy of the great Jess Franco! Frankenstein creates his "man" for the good of science, but the poor creature is hijacked by a creep named Cagliostro and his faithful, blind, vampire secretary Melisa. Cagliostro speaks through "magnetisism" and Melisa translates for us. (Although, sometimes he just speaks...) They kill the good doctor and steal his creation.
They brainwash the creature and send him out to rape and kidnap beautiful women... To bring them back to the castle at Varna, for Melisa to feed on. Then they will be dismembered and Cagliostro will use their parts to build an über-woman! But wait- Vera Frankenstein has revived her father and gleamed some useful information off him. She substitutes herself for one of the girls and has the creature take her back to Varna.
Once there, however, she quickly succumbs to Cagliostro's power and helps him build his fantasy woman. Only the woman is not for him. See, he plans to mate her with the creature and breed a new race of super-human freaks, whose minds he will control! Brilliant!! Of course the cops have been working the case of the missing women and teamed up with Frankenstein's assistant to save Vera. They'll have to overcome an army of walking dead to get to her though!
In spanish, with english subtitles, and some heavy censorship. Didn't seem at all as risqué as Franco's earlier work. Homogenized for mass consumption? No! I watched the "Alternate Footage" and found all the naked glory that would normally fill a Jess Franco film, including those fabulously hairy beavers of yesteryear! In an english language version!! Here's an idea. Restore the alternate footage to the film or release the english language version! As is... XXX
Robot Monster 1953 Three Dimension Pictures
Director: Phil Tucker
Right up there with Plan 9, this beaut features an invading alien (in the form of a gorilla with an old time diving helmet, sent to Earth to scope out the planet for an invasion by his brothers. Though gorilla-robot-helmet thing arrives in a flying saucer, we never see said ship again. The monster takes up resident in a cave, with a few of his thing set up on tables outside its entrance. (!)
Meanwhile, some mysterious malady has wiped out all of humankind, except for one family- a scientist and his family. See, they were saved by some vaccine the doc and his assistant were working on. Well, gorilla-man has orders from the supreme gorilla. No human shall be left alive. But oh me, oh my... the monster has the hots for the doctor's daughter. Can you say "pint-sized King Kong"?
After some heavy-petting in the bushes, the assistant and the daughter decide they better get hitched, and what better honeymoon that to wander outside their compound while a gorilla-monster is trying to kill them all. In fact, I think he already killed little sis.
You know as well as I do that the monster is going to ignore supreme gorilla and kidnap the older daughter for himself (he's in love... awww). Now it's up to the assistant and little Timmy (or whatever his name is...) to save the day. I'd give you a spoiler alert but really, you already know hat's going to happen and it does. Except there's a little twist at the end that makes the whole thing even more pointless!
Originally in 3-D, in fact... Last time I saw this on TV you could get a pair of 3-D glasses with the purchase of a Slurpee and the film was 3-D on TV! Still one of the worst movies ever filmed, the worst monster idea ever and funny as hell! 3-D or not, this one is entertainingly bad. XXXX
The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy a.k.a. La Momia Azteca contra el Robot Humano 1958 Cinematografica Calderon S.A.
Director: Rafael Portillo
Are we ready for Round 3? In this corner, at over 400 years old, it's the aztec mummy. And in the lead trunks, and coached by Dr- Krupp, it's the "human robot"! But before all that, we must spend the first 40 minutes of the movie re-hashing Attack of the Aztec Mummy and Curse of the Aztec Mummy, for all the americans who missed them! In lieu of a retelling here, just read my reviews of them!
Once we know the back story, Dr- Krupp again hypnotizes Flo (this time from her bed) and makes her lead them to the mummy, who has been hiding out in some random graveyard. There they find him, bracelet and breastplate intact. So, what do they do? Nothing. Five years pass, with Dr- Almada checking the mummy from time to time, to find nothing missing.
Then, all of a sudden-like, Dr- Almada (who must be part detective) figures out that "The Bat" is at it again- stockpiling electrical parts, human body parts and lead... Lots of lead! He and his buddies, including the former Angel, decide to pay Dr- Krupp/Bat a visit. Naturally, they are immediately captured so Krupp can tell them (and us) his evil plan and introduce us to "the human robot"!
Next thing you know, we're back at the boneyard and the mummy and the robot are duking it out in the basement(?) of the crypt. Sparks are flying as the cops and Dr- Almada arrive to save the day! Then a really bad edit to the end (I actually thought my DVD skipped, but no... This was just a bad cut.)
Based on the title, I had high hopes for this one and it was hilarious at the end. Honestly though, if you've seen 1 and 2, fast-forward to the middle of the film so you don't have to be bored with the re-cap! Like it's two predecessors, this is bad. Not quite Ed Wood bad but that funny kind of bad that makes you really enjoy yourself. More ridiculous and more fun! XXXX
The Rocky Horror Picture Show 1975 Twentieth Century Fox
Director: Jim Sharman
Starring: Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick, Meatloaf, Richard O'Brien (who also created the thing!)
Watching this on video gave me a whole new perspective on this movie. I had survived the theatre experience many times in the mid-eighties, but the theatre experience leaves the viewer a little distracted (to say the least) from the actual picture. While I would still say you haven't seen the movie until you've seen it in the theatre, the movie does stand on it's own and that's what we'll be talking about here today!
We begin with one of the best opening sequences ever put to film, a pair of fire-engine red lips on a black screen which commence to singing "Science Fiction/Double Feature". We then meet our heroes, Brad (Bostwick) and Janet (Sarandon) at a wedding. One musical number (yes, it's a musical) and they are off to see an old friend, Doctor Scott. In the pouring rain, their car breaks down and they set off on foot to an old castle they had seen along the way. Drenched, they are welcomed in by Riff Raff (O'Brien) and led to a banquet hall full of party-goers, who are doing a dance called "The Time Warp".
Next comes Doctor Frankenfurter (Curry), a gender-bending freak of a scientist, who leads all up to his lab to witness his new "creation". What the good doctor has created is a golden Adonis named Rocky, presumably for immoral purposes I might add! Rocky is brought to life, but the the shindig is briefly derailed by Eddie (Meatloaf). He sings a number before being murdered by the Doc. Brad and Janet are invited (more like forced) to stay the night. They are shown to their rooms by the "help", Columbia- a Betty Boop-like showgirl with short red hair, and the "goth" before there was "goth" maid, Magenta.
In their rooms, Brad and Janet both find themselves seduced by Frankenfurter in a hilariously similar manner! Finally, Doctor Scott arrives and Frankenfurter has all his guest to an awkward dinner party- Where the main course is Meatloaf!! Meanwhile, Rocky gets loose and seeking refuge from the dogs, hides in the container where he was "born". A defiled and despondent Janet finds him there and, well, now that she has tasted blood... She wants more, more, more! Believe it or not, it just get crazier from here. The guests (and Columbia) are turned to stone, arranged on a stage and, one by one, unfrozen to perform some song and dance number! All fun and games until Riff Raff and Magenta interrupt...
A perfectly insane masterpiece!! XXXXX
Rodan 1956 Toho Co. Ltd.
Director: Inoshiro Honda
A japanese mining village is terrorized by a giant beetle bug of some sort. Before the miners can dispatch it, it kills several of their co-workers and reaps havoc on the village. The miners corner it in the mine and after their guns fail them, they run a trainload of coal into the bug. This does the trick and the miners breath a collective sigh of relief.
That is until another problem emerges... A supersonic UFO, which can create a sonic boom capable of destroying whole towns! The only man who knows what the flying object is unfortunately emerged from a steaming volcano with a bad case of amnesia. Wouldn't you just know it! While the doctors and scientists work on restoring his memory (with the aid of his cute girlfriend) the UFO tears the place up.
Then he remembers! It's no spaceship. It's a giant pterodactyl-like creature! It emerged from an egg right before his eyes and started eating the afore mentioned beetle bugs. Then it took to the air, barely flapping its rubber wings and soared like a plastic toy over the countryside destroying everything in its path! Needless to say, it takes the whole army to do battle with a couple of these things!
For fans of Godzilla King of Monsters, this is familiar territory and welcome territory as well! Follows much the same formula but with enough variation to keep us all amused. The hurricane force winds generated by the rodan's wings are a nice touch. Pure Toho, through and through. XXX